Crossing the Cheyenne Line...

The Ataris -- The Cheyenne Line

"You say this is the end
I know it's not the end
I took a picture
of heaven when we broke down
across the shining light
I never will forget
the color of last night
over us.

We missed the point in living
so caught up in this moment
we threw out all convictions
and traded them for substance
this life we hold so dear
will fade in...
time spend wasted on a lie
it's time you found some frame of mind
this life you hold so near
will fade in time."

I heard this song the other day, or rather, I watched this song since I found a video of it on Youtube. Pretty cool WoW video, if you're a fan of the game, you should search for the /dance video, it's really, really good. As is this song!

I think I finally found a term for something I've been wanting to write about for a while now. There are times, in our lives, when we think that we can't do something. Or we know that we can, but it'll take everything we've got, and then maybe a little more. Still, there's a line in our minds, a boundary that we know exists, and we're NOT sure if we can actually succeed if our endeavors take us past this line. I'm going to start calling it the Cheyenne Line because I think it's appropriate.

For instance, this past week our basement flooded. Our car died. A part of my knee is dead (which isn't scary, but is painful, but is also kind of cool because I have a zombie knee). And you'd think, with all of that happening, I'd just want to curl up and go to sleep. I'd be lying to say I didn't want to at times, especially yesterday, boy did yesterday suck, but ... I'm not broken down. I crossed my own Cheyenne Line, and I know when I did it.

Two days ago, while Jenn and I were working our asses off in the basement, I looked at our rolled up 15x10 soggy carpet and realized someone had to get that thing out of there. Jenn tried, while I watched, and it was just too damn heavy. To be honest, at the time, I wasn't exactly sure if I could do it, or even help with it. But, and I'm sure glad Jenn didn't record it as it must have looked about the most foolish thing in the world, I took a hold of that thing and dragged it up out of the basement and out onto the driveway, myself.

I think it's the hardest I've pushed myself since the initial surgeries, and I succeeded, if only just barely. I'm being honest about that, I think it was about the extremity of my ability now, but I took a heavy piece of wet carpet UP stairs, with a bum knee that they say should be replaced, hurting. Dead in spots.

Afterwards, I just kind of sat down in the chair for a bit and marveled at exactly how much I hurt, and how good it felt to be hurting so much. I'm sure, while that's probably the weirdest terminology to use, that each of you reading it understands it completely.

So, there I was, crossing that line, and ever since, I've felt this determination inside. There are things out there that can break your heart, there are things out there that can fill you with doubt about who you are, what you believe in, practically anything any of us value about ourselves. And that's perfectly natural, for all of us, to have these doubts.

The point, though, is that if I had started out dragging that carpet thinking I probably couldn't do it... there's no way I would have. If you want to know the secret of crossing the Cheyenne Line, that's it right there. You have to remove all doubt, you have to trust in yourself, in who you are, in what you believe, and ...pull. Lift. Struggle. Strive upwards. Jenn was at the top of those stairs. She was counting on me, she was waiting for me, she needed me to do this.

It was just a dirty carpet coming out of a basement. It was also a testament of the very core of who I want to be, who I try to be. It was putting my worries and pain aside for the good of something bigger than myself, for someone else. I didn't succeed because I was strong enough (as my knee and back can attest today, oooowwww), I succeeded because I BELIEVED strong enough.

Crossing the Cheyenne Line isn't easy. It never will be easy, no matter how many times you do it. Sometimes you'll try and not make it. Just remember to close your eyes, picture your own Jennifer at the top of those stairs... and give it all. Be truly alive, while you can. Forget if you failed yesterday, and remember that it isn't always what you do first, but often what we do LAST that makes the biggest difference.

There's always time to try again.

These are my friends...

I've been playing WoW for years now. Literally. K and I were there at launch, we've survived attacks of elementals, the scourge army invasion, and Brewfest. While my wife's alts eclipse my own in their number, I still have my fair share. I have an entire bank slot (or maybe 3) devoted to pets, and nostalgia gear. If I ever get the paladin pants to drop off of the Baron? Yeah, I'm keeping them, since he never, ever, did that for me. The bastard.

I keep the things that I do, in my bank, because they have a rather large significance for me, Dustin. The man behind the screen. I thought I'd mention a few of them today to show you why, even though I'm not IN the Guardian Knights, I still count myself as one. And I count the people in Knights of Utopia as Guardian Knights as well. For me, Guardian Knights turned into something more than a silly (and tiny) insignificant guild on Alleria. It was family.

I have a fire crown from the first summer festival thing that Blizzard did. In order to get it, you have to go into all 3 of the opposing faction's cities and get a piece of their bonfire (or something similar, I'm posting from memory). The first time I did it, I did it alone, as Boon. Let me tell you, riding in as a paladin? Boy did everyone want a piece of me. But in the end, after numerous deaths, and let me tell you that the paladin bubble is NOT impervious to spit... F any of you who spit on me... I walked out with my crown. And then, everyone in GK wanted one. Since I had the experience, I led 2 or 3 more incursions into enemy territory, and there you go. Crowns for everyone. I keep mine to remember that sense of family, as we rode in on our mounts to storm the cities, and I remember, since I had my crown already, being bait. Mwahahaha. Suckers.

I have a tiny crimson whelpling. Every officer in the guild had one of these, mainly because I could farm them, they matched our guild colors, and they were (at least at the time) rare to get. And expensive! So I farmed them, each that was gifted to an officer during our induction ceremony, was actually earned rather than bought.

I still have the guild itself. Not for the tab, although I use it, but because WE are the Guardian Knights. Once a knight, always a knight, and I don't know that I could stand seeing someone else, a stranger, possibly walking past me with that title under their name. It's home to me, on Alleria, and I like that it'll always be there for the duration of my time here in Azeroth.

You may find that I'm a sentimental sap. I'm not too worried about it. I mean, if you read the tiny blurb about me that I wrote up, it even says I'm a nerd, I love Batman, etc. Do you really think I know what shame is? But I'd bet that for every person who reads this and thinks I'm odd, there are two who nod their head knowingly and start thinking of items THEY keep that have meaning to them.

If you look at my desk, you'll see a small grey plastic Cloud figure and a hand-drawn blue whelpling. These were sent to me by guildies from the GK because I loved them. The blue whelp, especially, has meaning because at the time, one didn't exist. Navya knew I always wanted a blue one (blue being my favorite color, why can't Blizz decide that paladins don't need purple stuff but blue stuff) so she drew one for me, and mailed it. When I finally did get one, appropriately enough, it was a gift from my best friend, Owaru. There's not a chance that my blue whelpling will ever be vendored or tossed out. Owaru's a Guardian Knight as truly as I am. Many of the Knights of Utopia are Guardian Knights. Most of them, in fact.

I don't have a lot of friends in real life. My job, teaching, doesn't lend itself to making friends (since they're half my age now). I'm not lonely at work, far from it, but still. I had a small circle of friends that, I came to believe, were unhealthy for me to be around (some very bitter people in there, and it's been my experience that the type of people you surround yourself with will be the type of person you become, if you're not already), and so I left them. Many of us play WoW for loot, or for leveling, but most of us? I think most of us play to socialize with people who we care about, regardless of where they live, since in essence we ALL live in Azeroth.

These players, these friends and family, are not forgotten. I may not have mentioned you here, and you may not even ever know that this blog exists, but I have a looooong memory, and if you've ever meant anything to me, you always do. Knights are friends, friends are Knights, and if there's one code that this paladin lives by, stands by, and believes in? It's...

Once a Knight, always a Knight.

Sentimental post? Sure, why not. The blogs I read are typically about HOW we play Warcraft, not WHY. I'm more original!